Forgive Me
by windwhisprer
Summary: It looked as though Sanzo's luck had finally run out. [Yaoi if you squint][oneshot][character death]


**A/N:** Yeah so, welcome to my second Saiyuki fic. D I expect this one to be a lot better, considering not only that my writing skills have improved (I hope) but I know more now about Sanzo and his group of misfits.

This one is about Sanzo and Goku. (I've fallen in love with the brown-haired monkey) and I've written it as a friendship/brotherly thing. But, if you squint, I have a feeling you'll see yaoi. It's not implied, but if you want to see it that way, be my freakin' guest. It's a free country. anyway, please enjoy.

**Forgive Me**

It was hot.

That thought crossed his mind as he dragged his limp legs along the ground. It wasn't as hot as the desert, he mused. At least he had the occasional cover of trees. But the heat was intense, making him sweat. Everything felt sore. His limbs felt like lead. His head was spinning. He wasn't sure if it was because of exhaustion, or dehydration, or a combination of both. All he knew was that it was painful. But still, he put one foot in front of the other, and dragged his sorry form closer and closer to what he hoped was salvation.

His body cried for rest. Every muscle in his body was screaming and burning in agony. His lungs burned with each breath he took, but he had to keep moving. One more step, would bring him closer to help. Only then, when the limp man on his back was in good hands, would he let himself collapse.

Despite his best efforts, he dropped to one knee, and took a second to catch his breath. Sweat was pouring off of him. After a minute, he readjusted the person on his back and stood once again, beginning to head to his destination.

The person on his back stirred slightly, but he was far too exhausted to notice. "You're... so stupid," came a mumble from behind him.

The brown haired man placed on a smile, despite the fact that he couldn't see. "I'm glad..." he wheezed. "...To hear ...you're awake."

The blonde on his back didn't reply right away. He was exhausted as well, but for different reasons. "Put me down, Goku." He said after a minute.

"No way," Goku snapped, his tone suddenly becoming more serious. "I won't let you die." He adjusted him again, and picked up the pace as if to purposely defy Sanzo's orders.

How long had he been running? It must've been at least a couple hours. The Sanzo Ikkou had been asked by several village women to get rid of a man-eating harpy that had been devouring the village's men. Sanzo had denied their cry of help and continued on. With the four of them in Jeep, hurrying across the countryside, it had attracted the Harpy's attention. Goku and Sanzo went one way, while Gojyo and Hakkai went the other. They had been effectively separated in one fell swoop. Weather or not this was the demon's intent didn't seem to matter anymore.

The only thing that did matter was that Sanzo was dying.

The Harpy had managed to get it's talons in him, before he blew the damned thing's head off. But Sanzo was now bleeding badly. Goku naturally panicked, so he did the only thing he could think of.

He picked Sanzo up, and bolted for the village.

It was a few miles south of where they had been attacked, but Goku was certain he could do it.

"You're such a stupid... monkey," Sanzo groaned, trying his best to keep his head up. The blood loss was not doing any good for his sight. Everything was blurry. Sanzo had to keep his eyes open. He would not allow himself to die in such a shameful way. He would live through this, and fight again. But as Sanzo felt his head slowly dropping onto Goku's shoulder, he had to wonder if his luck had finally run out.

Despite his best efforts, Goku's limps were starting to get too heavy to carry. Despite everything his mind was saying, his limps would not move. He closed his eyes, desperate for air. Maybe just a few seconds...

He dropped to one knee, before placing his foot firmly down. He would not let himself the comfort of laying down. He would be wasting too much time. He wheezed, desperately trying to catch any sort of breath. His vision went blurry, and he was sure he would pass out. No! He was not going to pass out!

"Goku," came Sanzo's voice from behind him. "Put me down."

Goku could feel himself cracking from the pressure. "I told you, I'm not gonna let you die!" he exclaimed, pulling himself back to his feet. "I refuse to rest until you've been... treated."

It was such a swift movement, Goku didn't know what happened until after it happened. Sanzo had shoved him from behind, freeing himself from Goku's already weak hold. Goku fell forwards, and hit the ground hard. He didn't move for a minute, as his dreary mind did it's best to try and convince him to roll over and relax. He shook it off. He had to help Sanzo, weather or not he liked it.

He forced himself to sit up, and was surprised by how tired that made him. He glanced over, finding Sanzo slowly lifting himself up against a nearby tree. His once white robes were stained with crimson blood. It only motivated him more. "C'mon Sanzo," Goku whined, as he forced himself to his feet. "We have to get back to the village."

Sanzo took a moment, before speaking. "Goku. We're heading the wrong way."

Goku almost lost his lunch the thought was so appalling. "What?" he breathed. "No... no we're not!" he exclaimed with much more enthusiasm then before.

"I noticed it recently. We've been walking in the opposite direction from the village," Sanzo let a smirk grace his features. "I should have known better then to trust a monkey with the directions."

Goku couldn't stop his body from feeling too heavy. He collapsed back to his knees, his eyes wide in hopeless. "Maybe we can alert Hakkai somehow... and then..."

"And then I can die before they get here," Sanzo snapped, clearly irritated by this whole conversation. Goku's eyes seemed smaller then normal. Perhaps it was the utter loss of hope that did that. Sanzo instantly hated it, and turned away.

Goku let his head hang. "I'm sorry Sanzo. I should've... I should've..."

"If you had come to save my sorry ass, then Gojyo would've been killed," Sanzo pointed out. He then sighed, and closed his eyes, tired. "You don't chose one life over another. That's bullshit." With a shaky hand, Sanzo reached into the pocket of his robe, and pulled out the familiar box of his favorite cigarettes. He pulled one out, and placed it in his lips. He went for his lighter, when the cigarette dropped from his lips. There was no real point anymore.

"Come sit with me, idiot," Sanzo wheezed.

Goku looked up in shock. Sanzo never talked like that. Apparently, in his last moments of life, he didn't care about simple, stupid attachments. Goku pulled himself along the ground, until he was seated right next to the so-called holy monk. Sanzo placed an arm around his shoulders, and pulled him in close. Goku looked up at him, confused at the intimacy in his act. Instead of protesting, he leaned on Sanzo's tall shoulder, and let all his muscle throb as they regained oxygen.

Both men struggled to keep their eyes open. For they knew if they let exhaustion consume them, the moment would be lost forever. So they kept themselves awake by sheer force of will only.

It must've only been an hour later when Goku found the pull of drowsiness starting to take it's effect. His eyes continued to close on him, no matter how hard he tried.

"Goku?" he heard Sanzo mumble.

"Hm?"

"You're a good kid."

And then Goku was swallowed by the darkness.

---

As Goku slowly began to wake once again, he felt warm. It was a soft, comfortable warmth that made him want to snuggle down into it and drift off once again. But as pictures began to burn into the back of his eyes, he realized what had happened.

He fell asleep!

Instantly, his eyes snapped open, and he shot straight up. He was met with unfamiliar white walls, and a simple yet inviting bed.

"Now you stupid monkey. You probably feel like hell after yesterday. You might want to lie back down." Goku's eyes snapped over at the familiar voice. Standing not far from him was Gojyo. He was wearing a soft white t-shit, and despite the smirk on his features, his eyes held a certain sadness. After running yesterday's events through his mind, Goku threw the blankets off of him and stood. Damn. Gojyo was right. Everything hurt.

"Where's Sanzo?" Goku demanded suddenly, his eyes blazing with intensity.

Gojyo sighed, and looked down at the ground. "Look, Goku, you might want to sit down for this."

Goku shook his head in disbelief, and took a step back. No! It wasn't true! Sanzo wasn't dead. There was no way it could be possible. In a single flash, his sun had been stolen from the sky, leaving Goku wandering around in the darkness. "No!" Goku cried appalled, before shoving past Gojyo and running out the door. He was being childish, and he was in denial. He didn't care! The only thing that mattered was that Sanzo was gone.

He bumped into Hakkai, but didn't even bother to pause as he ripped past him and tore out the door. He ran straight into the nearby forest, and continued to run despite the burning in his limbs. He lunged out, and grabbed a tree, before scurrying up, and hiding in one of the taller branches. As soon as he stopped, he found himself breathless.

The sun was beating down on him, though he felt no warmer. He was in the darkness. Perhaps trapped for all eternity. That's where he belonged, after all. Goku wrapped his arms around his legs, and buried his face in his knees. He didn't even want to stop himself from openly crying.

His light, his sun-- the only thing keeping him sane-- was gone.

_"You're a good kid."_

And there was no getting it back.

"Sanzo...Forgive me..."


End file.
